Some lawyer jokes to cheer your day up, legally.

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There is a trucker who hates lawyers so much he always runs them over with his truck whenever he sees one. One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.

He says “I’m sorry father, I don’t know what came over me!”

The priest replies, “Don’t worry, I got him with the door!”
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Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

A: The pronunciation.

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Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

A: His partners from the law firm.

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Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

Nobody cries when you cut a lawyer.

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Q: Why do sharks never attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.

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Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

A: One’s a dirty, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other’s a fish.

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What do you call 5000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean, drowned?

A good start.

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What do you have when you have 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand.

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Why did they bury lawyers 12 feet down instead of the traditional 6?

Because deep down, they are good people.

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A lawyer parks his car on the side of the road and opens the door to get out. A passing car gets too close and sideswipes the lawyer’s car, ripping the door and the lawyer’s arm clean off.

The lawyer gets out of his car and screams at the other driver. “You asshole! You messed up my brand new Porsche!” The other driver, shocked, tells the lawyer “You attorneys are all the same, you are so concerned with possessions and money that you didn’t even notice that your arm got ripped off!”

The lawyer looks down, finally noticing his missing arm, and screams “Oh shit, my Rolex!”

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The Pope and a lawyer are at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter takes the Pope to his new house, which is just a shack. He then proceeds to take the lawyer to this huge mansion. The lawyer then asks “Why are you giving me this big house when you gave the Pope that shack?” St. Peter responds “we have many Popes in Heaven, but you’re our first lawyer.”

• Tags: lawyer jokes